Dear N Key, You're a Whore

Firstly, I’d like to make it clear that “N key” is in fact the n key on my keyboard and not some slang name or something. You know how “thugs” have like weird nicknames like “R Dawg” or something stupid like that? N Key sounds kinda like the worst gangster nickname ever. “Yo what up dawg? Mah name’s N Key, representin’” I imagine someone with the name N Key not being very threatening.


But anyway, my n key is a whore (as the title suggests). It works about 5% of the time. That was a made up statistic as I’m way too lazy to count the number of time I have to press my n key. Typing the word "none" becomes a challenge when your n key is a dirty whore wagon. It goes kinda like this:

“oe….hey that should have two n’s…*presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* noe…okay still needs one more n, *presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* noen, crap messed it up *backspace* okay try again *presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* *presses N key* nonnnne….. ARE YOU F%#@ING KIDDING ME N KEY?” True story by the way.

The worst thing about your n key being a little bitch is that you can’t just type something and send it, you have to reread it and see all of the n’s you need to retry typing in. If you’re like me and have friends who are smart enough to figure out what you mean when you have typos, then you don’t need to correct the typos but at the same time you don’t want to look stupid and it’s like a matter of principle to not have THAT many typos in one message.

And then there are occasions where the n could be important and needs to be there. “I need razors” turns to “I eed razors” which could be interpreted as “I peed razors”. And considering I try to not talk about things that make it seem like I have some kind of STD, saying I “eed razors” would be detrimental to me not seeming like a man whore/sex addicted coke fiend. And I am definitely not a sex addicted coke fiend (Black tar is the way to go).